On Pirates, the Subjunctive, and the Sufficiency of Christ

Happy April, everybody!
Thanks for tuning in for another episode of “Amanda Finally Updates Her Blog.”
As always, thanks for your patience. Let’s get to it.

I turned 27 six weeks ago today. And I have to tell you: Year 28 has been kind of nuts.
Let me tell you about it.

The high school production of Treasure Island opened, and thanks to a lot of creative and wonderful and hard-working students, a lot of help from my colleagues, a lot of prayer, and a fair number of late nights, it was a swashbuckling success. I was a very proud director. Maybe I’m crazy, but I really love my afternoon rehearsals with these students. I love watching them figure out their characters, I love watching them create these scenes together, and I love getting to know these kids outside the classroom. Even on the days when they make me crazy. For me, theatre is fun, and I love it as an art form. But it's also an offering of worship. And that probably sounds odd, because a play rehearsal is nothing like a church service, but still. I loved getting to worship with my cast and crew. And yes, I miss it.  

But lest you think I’m not doing anything theatrical at the moment, I’m currently supervising several student-directed One Act plays, which they’ll perform at the beginning of May. BFA is holding its first One Act Play festival, and I am stoked about it.

My Spanish 1 students are courageously and tenaciously plugging along, continuing to build on their vocabulary and language skills from last semester. (It always seems to come as a surprise to them, but yes. They really do have to remember things they learned in October.)

My Introduction to Acting class is rehearsing their self-written monologues this week, and I’m enjoying helping them tweak and block their performances. They’ll get to present their monologues next week, a fact which is exciting to some…and terrifying to others. But I’m looking forward to seeing all of them. I love getting to hear and see the words and characters that they have created.

“But wait,” you say. “You said these 6 weeks have been nuts. None of this sounds nuts. This just sounds like your job.” Right.

Well, the week before Treasure Island opened, one of my friends and colleagues had to return to the US unexpectedly. In addition to being one of the most gracious and kindhearted people I know, Jo is an amazing Spanish teacher. And her departure left a pretty big hole to fill in the Spanish department, as she had been teaching Spanish 2, 3, and AP Spanish. Of course, since I have been teaching Spanish 1, I knew that I would likely be asked to take on another class once the play season had ended. And sure enough, on the opening night of the show, my department head asked me to take on AP Spanish beginning the next week. I didn’t throw up. But I was just about that terrified that I thought I might. And I felt that way for at least a week.

I remember standing in my kitchen yelling at no one in particular, wondering what God could possibly be thinking. I graduated from Grove City College with a degree in Spanish. In 2012. FIVE YEARS AGO. And since then, I’ve been trying to learn German, thank you very much. Guess how many times I’ve had to consider the use of the Spanish imperfect subjunctive tense, or even had a grammatically correct Spanish conversation in those years. (Spoiler alert: It’s zero.) And now I was responsible to know (and more importantly, to teach) this content well enough to prepare a class to take the AP exam in May.

Like I said. The two overriding sensations I had that week were fear and nausea. I was so afraid of failing—failing my department head, failing these AP students, and failing to keep up with my other classes and responsibilities.

Here’s kind of the neat thing about experiencing such an overwhelming fear, though: it forces me to do one of two things. It either causes me to curl up in a corner, pull a blanket over my head, and panic (which yes, happened once.) or press deeply and desperately into Christ. Because this is his show. And pardon the theatre metaphor, but if this is the role he cast me in, then darn it, I am going to trust him to direct me in it. Because my weakness demonstrates the sufficiency of his grace.

Because I feel so inadequate for this job, I have prayed and pursued Christ more intentionally this month than I have all year, I think. It’s easy for me to get caught up in the daily tasks of life and forget the most important thing…unless I feel completely helpless to complete those daily tasks without a very real indwelling of the Holy Spirit.

And I should say, it has been overwhelming. And this month has been hard, and it has been wearing. Pretty much all of my hours have been filled with grading and studying Spanish and preparing myself for the lessons I’m going to teach and the discussions I’m going to lead.

But it has been awesome to see God present himself in the middle of all the weariness. In grace and strength and clarity of thought for me in my teaching, yes. (In case you were concerned, He has been faithful to help me remember and re-learn a lot, and I am much more confident in my Spanish than I was in February.) But also in life outside of the classroom: the number of Jesus-centered conversations and opportunities I have had to pray with and for students and colleagues has skyrocketed since all this went down. And I’m not sure that’s a coincidence.

As I finish up this post, I would ask for your continued prayer.
I want very much to serve and teach these students to the best of my ability. And I want to have the stamina to make it through this last quarter well. But mostly, I want to reflect Christ for these students. I want to have eyes to see the people around me the way that he sees them, and I want my attitude to be that of Christ Jesus. So that when the students interact with their teachers, they come away with a better understanding of his gospel and his love. And I’m not exactly sure what that looks like, practically. But I do know that it has to start with me pursuing Christ first. Before and above everything else. So that’s what I’d ask you to pray. That I (and all of my colleagues here at BFA) will pursue Christ. And live out of the overflow of that.


Thank you all for your prayers and your support.

Grace to you,
ajr