Hello all,
Well, I must have blinked, because all of a sudden the school year at BFA is over and I'm writing this blogpost from my parents' living room in Pennsylvania.
As I strove to finish out this year well, I'm afraid I dropped the ball on updating my blog. For this I'm sorry, and I thank you for your grace.
For those of you who like to know what you're about to read (or if you want to pretend you read this post), here's a brief outline:
First I'm going to give you a glimpse of three highlights from the end of the year, then I'm going to share three lessons that I learned during this, my first year of teaching, and finally I'll share what the next year or two might look like for me.
So let's get to it.
If you've been following my blog for a while, you know that the end of the year at BFA is always very full: full of events, full of tasks, full of goodbyes, and full of tears--of joy and sadness. This year was no different. There's no way that I can fill you in on everything that made me laugh, made me cry, and made me want to bang my head against a wall over these past couple months. But here are three highlights.
God has really been trying to teach me a lot of things this year. But I'm a pretty slow learner, and it takes me a while to absorb said lessons. So here are three truths that I've managed to hear and attempt to articulate:
Truth #1: I'm called to live in grace.
This particular truth transitions into my "Prayer Requests and Looking Ahead section." Because as I look ahead in my life, I can't see what's out there. It's a bit unnerving. Friends, family, and staff members at BFA often ask me what my plans are once I leave BFA at the end of next year. And honestly--I have no idea. I'm praying for clarity and direction, but for now, it feels a bit like staring into a very dark room. Nothing but vague outlines and general guesses. And as scary as that is to me, not knowing what I'll be stepping into, I have learned that sometimes, God asks us to live in that unknown. Sometimes I just have to live in the dark and wait for him to turn on the light.
Thank you, Father, that you've promised to guide my steps. Please give me the faith and trust to wait fearlessly for you in the dark.
Finishing out my time at BFA well
I have one more year at this school which has become my home. I'm excited to be teaching Acting and Spanish 1 next year, as well as continuing to direct the High School and Middle School plays.
I'll be sharing an apartment with a friend named Lianne--she's a former RA, and all around stellar individual. I'm looking forward to living life and walking this next year with her. Even if she won't let me get a kitten.
And even as I look forward to all of what the next school year holds, I know that it will fly so quickly. And I very much want to live this year fully and live it well. So please join me in praying that I will make wise decisions this year. There are many opportunities and ways I am being asked to invest. Pray that I will hear Christ's voice amidst all the others, and will be able to serve him in the way he has prepared for me.
Praying for direction
As I mentioned above, I am still praying for God to "turn on the light" and show me what he has for me after next year. The fortunate thing about living in an international community like BFA is that I now have connections and opportunities of all kinds, on every continent. And the unfortunate thing about living in an international community like BFA is that I now have connections and opportunities of all kinds, on every continent. Someone suggested that I just throw a dart at a map and move there...but I'd rather not depend on my dart-throwing skills to make that decision. Please pray that God will begin to stir in my heart and open doors as I seek direction for life after BFA.
Thank you all so much for your support and for your prayers! I pray that you all have a sunny and rest-filled summer...or at the very least that Jesus continues to meet you daily in whatever your summer holds.
Until August,
Amanda
Well, I must have blinked, because all of a sudden the school year at BFA is over and I'm writing this blogpost from my parents' living room in Pennsylvania.
As I strove to finish out this year well, I'm afraid I dropped the ball on updating my blog. For this I'm sorry, and I thank you for your grace.
For those of you who like to know what you're about to read (or if you want to pretend you read this post), here's a brief outline:
First I'm going to give you a glimpse of three highlights from the end of the year, then I'm going to share three lessons that I learned during this, my first year of teaching, and finally I'll share what the next year or two might look like for me.
So let's get to it.
If you've been following my blog for a while, you know that the end of the year at BFA is always very full: full of events, full of tasks, full of goodbyes, and full of tears--of joy and sadness. This year was no different. There's no way that I can fill you in on everything that made me laugh, made me cry, and made me want to bang my head against a wall over these past couple months. But here are three highlights.
Highlights (without too many pictures, I'm sorry to say):
Actors' Showcase
One of the more tragic realities of school is the existence of the final exam. You remember those. Sitting for hours, staring at a list of short answer questions, trying to compose paragraphs that are eloquent, witty, and brilliant, while somehow also being concise, punchy, and (if possible) accurate. The final exam is every student's nightmare. (As a side note, I learned this year that teachers have nightmares about finals as well. Who knew?) Well fortunately for everyone, my classes don't really have one of those. I can hear the roar of protest now--"What?? You don't test your students??" Don't worry. They do take tests. And in fact, part of the final grade for my Intro to Acting class does involve a written portion. But for my acting students, the main piece of their final grade is a final performance called The Actors' Showcase. The Showcase is open to the whole school, and it involves improv games, student-written monologues, and a One Act play production, which we've been working on as a class. Like any other dramatic production, it took a lot of work and rehearsals, and there were some moments when I wondered if some lines would EVER be memorized. But my actors pulled it off, and put together a really great show--hilarious at times and moving at others. It was a great way to end our semester together, and I was proud of them.
One of the more tragic realities of school is the existence of the final exam. You remember those. Sitting for hours, staring at a list of short answer questions, trying to compose paragraphs that are eloquent, witty, and brilliant, while somehow also being concise, punchy, and (if possible) accurate. The final exam is every student's nightmare. (As a side note, I learned this year that teachers have nightmares about finals as well. Who knew?) Well fortunately for everyone, my classes don't really have one of those. I can hear the roar of protest now--"What?? You don't test your students??" Don't worry. They do take tests. And in fact, part of the final grade for my Intro to Acting class does involve a written portion. But for my acting students, the main piece of their final grade is a final performance called The Actors' Showcase. The Showcase is open to the whole school, and it involves improv games, student-written monologues, and a One Act play production, which we've been working on as a class. Like any other dramatic production, it took a lot of work and rehearsals, and there were some moments when I wondered if some lines would EVER be memorized. But my actors pulled it off, and put together a really great show--hilarious at times and moving at others. It was a great way to end our semester together, and I was proud of them.
Goodbyes
Ah yes, goodbyes. I take back what I said about final exams--end-of-the-year goodbyes are the most tragic reality of BFA. Every year, I say goodbye to some really fantastic staff members and students, all of whom have made my life fuller and better in one way or another. Strangely enough, during my time at BFA, this yearly tradition of saying goodbye almost becomes a constant in what is otherwise a pretty unpredictable lifestyle. The constant turnover of community and the loss of friends is not a surprise anymore. But regardless of its constancy, saying goodbye is never pleasant.
This year, I said goodbye to some pretty amazing friends and students. While I don't want this blog post to be a long, drawn-out cryfest, I would be remiss not to acknowledge how much I treasure these sisters and brothers, and all the grief and the nausea and the tears that accompanied those goodbyes.
Much of the last few weeks has been spent laughing and crying and adventuring and just being with these people who have made my life so rich. And as intentional as I've tried to be, I know that there is always more to say: more to thank them for, more to affirm, more stories to tell, and more encouragement to give. And that's why I'm glad that friendships don't end when people move, and these are people that I will carry with me forever, even if there's a really inconveniently large ocean between us.
Alumni Visits!
Lest you think the end of the year was all sad, I want to share this final highlight: we had two former Palmies come visit for the final week of school. Palmgarten will always have my heart, and I cherish my Palmies so much. It is so exciting to see and hear what God is doing in their lives since they left BFA. I loved the chance to talk and listen and laugh and pray with these strong and beautiful women. Thank you, Beka and Bekah for coming and joining us in our chaos! It was so good for my heart.
Ah yes, goodbyes. I take back what I said about final exams--end-of-the-year goodbyes are the most tragic reality of BFA. Every year, I say goodbye to some really fantastic staff members and students, all of whom have made my life fuller and better in one way or another. Strangely enough, during my time at BFA, this yearly tradition of saying goodbye almost becomes a constant in what is otherwise a pretty unpredictable lifestyle. The constant turnover of community and the loss of friends is not a surprise anymore. But regardless of its constancy, saying goodbye is never pleasant.
This year, I said goodbye to some pretty amazing friends and students. While I don't want this blog post to be a long, drawn-out cryfest, I would be remiss not to acknowledge how much I treasure these sisters and brothers, and all the grief and the nausea and the tears that accompanied those goodbyes.
Much of the last few weeks has been spent laughing and crying and adventuring and just being with these people who have made my life so rich. And as intentional as I've tried to be, I know that there is always more to say: more to thank them for, more to affirm, more stories to tell, and more encouragement to give. And that's why I'm glad that friendships don't end when people move, and these are people that I will carry with me forever, even if there's a really inconveniently large ocean between us.
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Alumni Visits!
Lest you think the end of the year was all sad, I want to share this final highlight: we had two former Palmies come visit for the final week of school. Palmgarten will always have my heart, and I cherish my Palmies so much. It is so exciting to see and hear what God is doing in their lives since they left BFA. I loved the chance to talk and listen and laugh and pray with these strong and beautiful women. Thank you, Beka and Bekah for coming and joining us in our chaos! It was so good for my heart.
Lessons Learned:
God has really been trying to teach me a lot of things this year. But I'm a pretty slow learner, and it takes me a while to absorb said lessons. So here are three truths that I've managed to hear and attempt to articulate:
Truth #1: I'm called to live in grace.
Aren't I learning this lesson every year? I think I've harped on it before here and here, so I will just include a brief summary: I screw up a lot and I fail a lot. I fail to live in love or self-control or joy. And so do other people. And that's okay. Brennan Manning was asked once how he could relapse into alcoholism after having such a sweet and personal encounter with the Father. His response has stuck with me, and fills me with hope: "These things happen," he said. An article by Annie Provencher expounds on this brief response.
"These things happen. We get battered and bruised. We forget—or just refuse—to turn to Jesus. We screw up and beat ourselves up, forgetting we were not transformed into angels but are broken people still living in a fallen world, and it is from glory to glory we go. We misunderstand that we have been set in right relationship with God not because of anything we’ve done, but only because of God’s abounding, audacious, ludicrous grace. These things happen...God loves us unconditionally, as we are and not as we should be, because nobody is as they should be"(Provencher).
Thank you, Father, for your grace. Please give me the grace and strength to live in it, and to extend it to others.
"These things happen. We get battered and bruised. We forget—or just refuse—to turn to Jesus. We screw up and beat ourselves up, forgetting we were not transformed into angels but are broken people still living in a fallen world, and it is from glory to glory we go. We misunderstand that we have been set in right relationship with God not because of anything we’ve done, but only because of God’s abounding, audacious, ludicrous grace. These things happen...God loves us unconditionally, as we are and not as we should be, because nobody is as they should be"(Provencher).
Thank you, Father, for your grace. Please give me the grace and strength to live in it, and to extend it to others.
Truth # 2: Sometimes life hurts
I think sometimes we forget this. Probably because we don't want it to be true. Wouldn't it be nice if life were wrapped in neatly labeled packages, where you could choose what you want and leave what you don't? Or if it followed a defined formula, where if you make certain choices and develop certain habits or follow certain rules, you're guaranteed a particular result?
But that's not the way life works. (Unless you think you've found the formula for a pain-free life, in which case, I'm very interested in talking to you.) Life is painful. It's full of loss and grief and failure. It's full of hurtful words and missed opportunities and relationships that don't pan out. It's often lonely and dark, and it turns out Jeremiah was not just whining when he penned Lamentations 3.
This year has hurt quite a bit, in many ways. I've experienced all of those unfortunate adjectives mentioned above. But I have learned that it's okay. That along with the pain, there is joy, and at the end of what sometimes feels like an unending tunnel, there is hope, and all the way through the journey, there is Christ.
Thank you, Father, for your hope in my pain. Please give me the grace and strength to live in it, and to offer that hope to others.
Truth # 3: Sometimes, we just have to live in the dark
I think sometimes we forget this. Probably because we don't want it to be true. Wouldn't it be nice if life were wrapped in neatly labeled packages, where you could choose what you want and leave what you don't? Or if it followed a defined formula, where if you make certain choices and develop certain habits or follow certain rules, you're guaranteed a particular result?
But that's not the way life works. (Unless you think you've found the formula for a pain-free life, in which case, I'm very interested in talking to you.) Life is painful. It's full of loss and grief and failure. It's full of hurtful words and missed opportunities and relationships that don't pan out. It's often lonely and dark, and it turns out Jeremiah was not just whining when he penned Lamentations 3.
This year has hurt quite a bit, in many ways. I've experienced all of those unfortunate adjectives mentioned above. But I have learned that it's okay. That along with the pain, there is joy, and at the end of what sometimes feels like an unending tunnel, there is hope, and all the way through the journey, there is Christ.
Thank you, Father, for your hope in my pain. Please give me the grace and strength to live in it, and to offer that hope to others.
Truth # 3: Sometimes, we just have to live in the dark
This particular truth transitions into my "Prayer Requests and Looking Ahead section." Because as I look ahead in my life, I can't see what's out there. It's a bit unnerving. Friends, family, and staff members at BFA often ask me what my plans are once I leave BFA at the end of next year. And honestly--I have no idea. I'm praying for clarity and direction, but for now, it feels a bit like staring into a very dark room. Nothing but vague outlines and general guesses. And as scary as that is to me, not knowing what I'll be stepping into, I have learned that sometimes, God asks us to live in that unknown. Sometimes I just have to live in the dark and wait for him to turn on the light.
Thank you, Father, that you've promised to guide my steps. Please give me the faith and trust to wait fearlessly for you in the dark.
Prayer Requests and Looking Ahead
I have one more year at this school which has become my home. I'm excited to be teaching Acting and Spanish 1 next year, as well as continuing to direct the High School and Middle School plays.
I'll be sharing an apartment with a friend named Lianne--she's a former RA, and all around stellar individual. I'm looking forward to living life and walking this next year with her. Even if she won't let me get a kitten.
And even as I look forward to all of what the next school year holds, I know that it will fly so quickly. And I very much want to live this year fully and live it well. So please join me in praying that I will make wise decisions this year. There are many opportunities and ways I am being asked to invest. Pray that I will hear Christ's voice amidst all the others, and will be able to serve him in the way he has prepared for me.
Praying for direction
As I mentioned above, I am still praying for God to "turn on the light" and show me what he has for me after next year. The fortunate thing about living in an international community like BFA is that I now have connections and opportunities of all kinds, on every continent. And the unfortunate thing about living in an international community like BFA is that I now have connections and opportunities of all kinds, on every continent. Someone suggested that I just throw a dart at a map and move there...but I'd rather not depend on my dart-throwing skills to make that decision. Please pray that God will begin to stir in my heart and open doors as I seek direction for life after BFA.
Thank you all so much for your support and for your prayers! I pray that you all have a sunny and rest-filled summer...or at the very least that Jesus continues to meet you daily in whatever your summer holds.
Until August,
Amanda
Amanda, your posts are honest, uplifting, challenging and insightful. Thank you for how you share the real ups and downs of your life and how you ultimately point to Jesus as our hope. You are an example of living in true community and valuing relationships. I have much to learn....
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